Initially when I ask a client to do shadow work, I get a bit of draw back and concern. Don't worry, it's not scary, and I'm definitely NOT asking you to work with dark forces!!! Shadow work is actually all about learning what the "darkest" aspects of yourself are. These are the unconscious parts of the ego or your "shadow self".
Most of the time, the shadow self is harboring past traumas, grudges, or unfavorable personality traits. A lot of these are things that we don't realize we are holding onto deep down and the shadow self comes out through our surface in everyday actions and words. For example, for those with physical past trauma; they might come off as cold or scared to be touched, hugged, or cuddled. For someone who is subconsciously holding a grudge, they might be distant, use harsh words, or even gossip.
There are many examples of "shadow self" and no two people have the exact same situation, let alone are affected by it the same way. Shadow self will show itself when you are least expecting it, in the most obvious ways. Yet we aren't looking to heal these dark areas because we've pushed them away or avoided them. So they present themselves as personality traits or mannerisms when in fact, they don't belong to our true selves in the first place.
If you've read my previous blog posts then you know that we are all born into our humans bodies as spiritually pure souls, it takes a couple years and outside influences to develop into "human mentality". We start to become fixated on the black and white of things instead of realizing that most things are a spectrum. In fact our spirit itself is a spectrum. picture the prism in the sunlight. White light enters and a rainbow exits. This is exactly how the spirit works. Your pure white light, becomes scattered and your soul journey is to bring it all back together to recreate the pure white light.
When separated from all of our soul parts, we tend to attract pieces that don't belong, and part of the growth is learning how to release those things. The reason these parts are attracted to us while separated from the rest of our true selves is because they are meant to teach a life lesson/soul lesson. When we overcome the heartache/trauma/ego, then we have gained a soul lesson and are closer to being complete as our true selves.
So how do we work on these shadow aspects? Most of the time they are things that we didn't do to ourselves, we just don't know how to release them. It can be as simple as saying "I'm done with this" and deciding to move on, or it can be a long process of chain events or therapy to gain more insight into why these things have control over you, even when they are things that you may not be aware of or consider as a controlling part of your life.
For the easy things, like holding grudges you can mentally release yourself and decide that this is something that no longer serves you. If it is a deeper issue like trauma, you can go to therapy and learn coping mechanisms. Meditation is also very, very healing. You have to be in the frame of mind of "I want to get better." because if you aren't, you can find yourself in a relapse, or not completely ready to heal. I have had my share of therapy for some past trauma, and depression/anxiety/bipolar. In my 20's I was not yet completely open and ready to heal. I was letting my emotions win, and not understanding that I have a choice to do the work offered to me to heal. Instead it was temporary healing when I still had bottled emotions, and blame/hurt over things that I could not control.
If I knew then, what I know now, then I would have had many years of my life taken back for my true self instead of for my ego. However, I am a firm believer that everything happens exactly when it is meant to happen and for a reason. Without the life lessons that followed over the years I would not be where I am today. I am finally able to take in my therapy and apply it to my life, and release many things that no longer serve me. I am able to look from so many other perspectives and understand the important from the unimportant. I also realize so many other things now such as the spectrum of life I talked about.
But shadow work isn't just about fixing your downfalls. It's about embracing them and understanding why they are there. It's about knowing you can't have good without the bad otherwise there would be nothing to compare it to. The ying and yang if you will. You don't want an overwhelming amount of either in your life as it can really alter your true self either in the form of ego (too much of a good thing) or in despair (too much of the bad). In past blogs I've talked about balance and how it is important to bring in all elements to create the balance your soul needs to grow. Shadow work is a lot of exactly this. Understanding, learning, and embracing so that you can move forward instead of standing still or falling behind.
If you are looking for tips on how to get started on your shadow work, first choose something simple to focus on. It could be that maybe you are easily annoyed or upset over little things. Dig deep and find out why this is. Then, when you find the root of the problem, you can begin to heal from where that seed planted itself.
So now that you have your first goal to work on, you can help yourself along with these tips and mantras:
1) Become Centered. Focus on where you are here and now and breathe. Deep slow breaths and meditation can help bring you into a peaceful state of mind and can feel empowering when you feel in control of yourself.
Mantra- "I am the Universe and the Universe is me."
2) Self Love. You are one of a kind, you are special, you are important. Realize that you are enough and be kind to yourself. Those negative thoughts that tell you that you aren't good enough are your shadow self sabotaging you. Who says you aren't good enough? Even if there are people saying that, who says it matters what they think? Who says they are right? I have news for you, they are not your focus and shouldn't be. You are loved, and loving yourself is the best thing you can do for you. That's a positive seed that grows into fruitful tress to share with your friends and family. Don't plant weeds, they do not benefit anyone.
Mantra- "I am enough, I am loved."
3) Accountability. Understand that your actions have reactions and sometimes consequences. Think about how you are treating others, the words you say, the things you do, the actions that you don't do. Know that you have choices every single day, and for the choices that may not have been the best for yourself or others, you have to accept that you made the choice and then learn how to grow and heal yourself or others.
Mantra- "My actions decide my fate."
4) Honesty. Be completely open and honest with yourself even when the truth hurts. It is human nature to lie to ourselves to protect our feelings or egos, but when we are honest with ourselves about our shadows we carry, we can start to dissect them. This makes it easier to chip off piece by piece of the shadow by truly understanding why it is weighing us down.
Mantra- "I deserve the full unaltered truth."
5) Progress Report. As you begin to notice little things you are healing within yourself, you can write them down, or share with someone who has always been a support system to you. What this does is bring awareness to yourself and others that you are growing and learning. You are not stuck being the same person you've always been. You have choices and when you can notice these changes in yourself, it's a good sign that you've been doing your shadow work and healing.
Mantra- "My progress helps me remember where I've been, and where I'm going."
The freedom you feel when you realize you are healing is so beautiful. Piece by piece it becomes easier to let go and grow, and eventually you start to understand more about yourself and why you're here. Your relationships become stronger, your mental health is stronger, your daily outlook on life becomes more about the truly important things instead of perceived importance. The love you will feel for yourself will make you wonder why you ever hurt yourself so badly before.
The shadow self will always be there in some shape or form and it is always a process. If you continue to be aware of things that you can improve on, you will start to see a healthier pattern in your life. You will also start to see more blessings and less worry. So while it is important to praise and love the good parts of yourself, it is just as important to focus on your shadow self so that you may become the best version of you.
I hope that this information was helpful and gave you clarity and guidance. With all my love, I wish you well on your shadow self journey.
Let me know if you try some shadow work!
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